


love burns brighter than sunshine

by alljustrunaways



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2020-03-20
Packaged: 2020-03-26 15:27:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19008592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alljustrunaways/pseuds/alljustrunaways
Summary: a collection of prompts and one-shots





	1. darkness will be rewritten into a work of fiction

**Author's Note:**

> hello!!! s6 is over and i'm more than mildly depressed about it but i've decided to start a new collection for everything i write during the hiatus (which will hopefully be more than i've been writing lately lmao) enjoy xxx

Amy’s familiar with most, if not all, of her husband’s facial expressions a year into their marriage.

She can tell when he’s pissed, when he’s disappointed, when he’s happy, when he’s nervous; more impressively, she can narrow it down to incredibly specific facial expressions like his I Just Solved a Case and I’m About to Brag About It All Day look and his Exhausted and Wanting To Cuddle On The Couch While We Watch Die Hard look.

It only takes her a few sideways glances in the cab ride home from the 86th precinct for her to identify his Something Is Definitely Up With You and We’re Gonna Talk About it When We Get Home face, which tends to make an appearance whenever something _is_  bothering her (not unlike right now) - for all the credit she gives herself for knowing Jake inside and out, he knows her just as well.

His worry is even more thinly veiled than normal - sometimes he tries to coax it out of her gradually, but the moment they’ve stepped across the threshold and slipped off their shoes, he’s wrapping his arms around her from behind and murmuring in her ear: “What’s wrong, babe?”

She turns in his arms, letting his hands fall on her waist and reaching up to rest hers on his shoulders. Before she can process her thoughts enough to voice them, she needs just a moment to unwind from the stress of the day in the sanctuary of his arms.

“If this is about me not telling you the whole plan - I’m really sorry,” Jake adds before she gets the chance to speak, his brows furrowed. “Maybe I should have, but I was so worried about Holt finding out or the operation getting blown somehow and I just couldn’t risk it.”

“No, no, it’s not that,” she murmurs, hands running up and down his arms as a natural response to his rising concern. “I understand.”

Jake frowns and grabs her hand to lead her to the couch a few feet away, motioning for her to sit down next to him and lifting her legs over his lap so he can rub circles on her shin. He props his head up with his other arm on the back of the couch and tilts his head to face her, offering a small smile of encouragement for her to open up.

“Talk to me, babe.”

She sighs, avoiding his knowing gaze and playing with the hem of her sweater.

“I don’t blame you for not filling me in, but being in a jail cell - seeing  _you_ in a jail cell, going off to be interrogated again - that was-” She can already feel tears welling up in her eyes at the mere thought of him going to prison again, and she curses herself for her inability to not completely come undone whenever he talks to her like this, looks at her like  _that_. “It was just a lot-”

He breathes out a soft “Ames,” and his voice is somehow infinitely softer than before. Of course his thoughts didn’t go to such a dark place - surely they would have, had it been a real possibility that he was going back to jail - and she can’t blame him for not considering the effects the plan may have on her emotions when he was so focused on making sure it went off without a hitch.

“I know it was all part of the plan, and you’re not actually going back to prison today-”

“Not ever,” Jake interjects, his eyes glistening with warmth and assurance. It’s not the first time he’s promised this - similar fears resurface in her nightmares and whenever someone brings up his and Rosa’s incarceration.

“Not ever,” she repeats, reaching to grab his hand. “But as long as we keep doing this…you know, fighting for the greater good and trying to be the good cops, we’re always gonna be crossing people.  _Bad_ people.”

“That doesn’t mean that more bad stuff is gonna happen to us.”

“What if it does?” she snaps back, squeezing his hand in silent apology after Jake winces. “What if we both get sent to prison? Or-or worse? What would happen to our-”

She doesn’t need to finish the sentence before his eyes flicker with understanding and more involuntary tears begin to pour down her face, ones that she doesn’t try to hide. It’s like they both realize what’s  _really_ bothering her in the same fraction of a second.

They decided to start trying for kids four days ago.

It was before the latest drama with Kelly began, before they assembled their own “suicide squad’, before any threats of going to jail or losing their jobs had arisen. During a normal Friday night in front of the TV and a pile of Thai takeout, Jake looked over at her and proudly proclaimed that he was ready.

(And maybe she thought he meant he was ready for sex and straddled him in the middle of Jeopardy while he struggled to pull away long enough to explain that he meant  _to have kids,_ but it was a good moment nonetheless.)

“C’mere, honey,” he mumbles, already pulling her into his lap and cradling her to his chest. Her face moves to the crook of his neck while she cries, finally releasing hours worth of pent-up anxiety. “It’s okay.”

He strokes her back and presses kisses to her hairline for a few minutes, each soft touch marginally regulating her heart rate and stopping her panicked tears from falling harder.

“Everything’s gonna be fine,” Jake whispers against her forehead. “We always figure it out, right? We caught Figgis, you guys busted Hawkins, now John Kelly’s gonna get fired. The good guys  _win_ , babe.”

He’s not wrong - there hasn’t yet been an obstacle that they haven’t found a way to overcome. Even when things seemed particularly dire, they managed to pull through. She doesn’t really have any reason to believe that that won’t continue to be the case.

“It’s still terrifying. We’re gonna be bringing another person into this world, Jake, and we literally see the worst of humanity every single day.”

“Exactly.” He brings her chin up to look at him and presses a quick peck to her nose, smiling softly as he pulls back. “We’ve been through all this and we still have enough hope and love to want to have a  _child_ together. Isn’t that kind of beautiful?”

She melts under his soft gaze, reaching up to gently play with the curls above his forehead and smiling fondly. His enthusiasm to have children together has increased substantially to match hers since their debate in the hospital, and it makes her heart swell with joy and excitement.

“Since when did you get so wise?”

“I’ve learned a lot against my will from all the NPR you listen to,” he teases, playfully poking at her ribs while she lets out a soft laugh.

It’s also kind of beautiful, she thinks, that her husband’s ability to make her laugh even at her worst moments as A) never wavered and B) been the number one thing she loves about him from their first date to their first anniversary of marriage.

“That’s my girl.” He gently, lovingly brushes the tears away from her cheeks with both thumbs. “Do you want me to go pick up some empanadas?”

The fact that he’s willing to drive to Queens right now to get her favourite comfort food from her favourite restaurant that doesn’t deliver almost makes her cry again, but she simply shakes her head and grabs his hand.

“Let’s just order pizza from somewhere close,” she suggests. “The sooner we eat, the sooner we can get back to-”

“Trying to procreate?”

“I was gonna say baby-making, you’ve really matured from all that NPR!”

She says it like a win, but he shakes his head and winces like a toddler being offered vegetables (or Jake being offered vegetables - she’s gonna have to work on her husband’s diet a little more before they have to deal with an  _actual_ child).

“I’m gonna have to make  _so many_ dumb sex jokes to make up for all that maturity.”

(He does not disappoint, in  _any_  manner, that evening.)


	2. you come around and the armour falls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt: "i wish you could see yourself that i see you"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from state of grace - taylor swift

Jake Peralta, by his thirty-fifth birthday, should know better than to let his father get to him.

 

He’s been disappointing him for three decades of birthdays, whether he showed up (almost definitely with a mediocre present and new girlfriend) or not. The only thing Jake’s been able to depend on from him is his lack of dependability, and Roger’s consistent absence for the past year of his life has been almost freeing - it was only a matter of time, really, before his dad found a way to screw even that up.

 

It’s only through a heart-to-heart with his mother and Amy’s constant, reassuring presence by his side all night that he’s able to make some sort of peace with his parents getting back together, but the hundred of anxieties swarming his brain do not relent during the car ride back to Amy’s.

 

“You okay?”

 

He snaps out of autopilot when he hears Amy’s voice, slightly louder than the faint hum of the radio. They’re nearly at her apartment already, the streets of her neighbourhood fairly quiet other than the odd cab or cyclist at this point.

 

“Yeah, of course,” he scoffs as he pulls into the spot in front of her place, putting the car in park.

 

“You sure?” Her tone is inquisitive and persistent, and he can already tell that she knows he’s hiding something. Lying to her is an exercise in futility; she knows him better than anyone and is practically a pro at getting to the centre of his carefully guarded heart. “You haven’t said a word, you haven’t fiddled with the radio at all, and you’re driving under the speed limit.”

 

She reaches out to grab his hand across the console, and he instinctively flips his to interlock their fingers as quickly as possible. Without words, without anything more than the gentle stroke of her thumb across the back of his hand, he can feel her coaxing the negative thoughts and emotions from his head. She’s good.

 

“It’s just bumming me out, I guess.”

 

“That you think he might hurt her again?” Amy prompts, squeezing his hand as she speaks.

 

“I mean, yeah, but I pretty much told him I would arrest him if he does that,” he says with a soft laugh, though he’s only partially joking. “I just - I don’t get why he would do this _now_.”

 

Amy frowns, her brow furrowed, and he’s struggling to find the words to elaborate without opening up too much. Something about the way she’s looking at him, though, with more care and attention (and _love,_ a word they can now use freely) than he’s ever been witness to, indicates that maybe there’s no such thing. Maybe he can tell her the truth - the whole truth, free of sarcasm or other defense mechanisms.

 

“He skipped out on most of my childhood. He waited until I was grown up and no longer his responsibility to come back to her. It just - I don’t know. It makes me feel like I was too hard for him to love, which is probably why I feel like I’m too hard for anyone to love and-” He shakes his head, closing his eyes tightly and attempting a laugh to cover up the rawness in his voice. “Typical daddy issues stuff, it’s whatever.”

 

Amy releases her grip to reach up and take his face in her hands, gently forcing him to look her in the eye. “Jake Peralta, you are _not_ hard to love. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, but your dad is an idiot for missing out on all those years with you, because every _minute_ that I get to spend with you is better.”

 

He inadvertently leans into her hand where it rests on his cheek. “Amy, you don’t have to-”

 

“You deserve so much better than him, and I wish you could see yourself the way that I do, because then you would know that loving you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done.”

 

He feels like he’s going to burst into tears for reasons entirely unrelated to his father by the time she’s done talking, her eyes wide and shining. It’s impossible for him to articulate as well as she just did how deeply in love with her he really is, but their faces are only inches apart and it’s least he can do to show her. She meets him halfway, her hand moving upwards into his hair, and anchors herself to him as he kisses her firmly.

 

They pull apart slowly and reluctantly, her hand lingering on his cheek. His heart now feels like it’s soaring, momentarily unburdened by the heaviness of thirty years of abandonment issues. How could any of that matter when he has _her_ , when Amy Santiago loves him and wants to be with him and is willing to pretend to need a laxative in front of his mother for him?

 

 _“_ I love you, Ames,” he murmurs, gently squeezing her thigh over the thin material of her dress. “Thank you. For everything.”

 

“I love you too.” Her smile is more radiant, her body more relaxed now that she knows she’s done a sufficient job of cheering him up. “Do you wanna stay the night? I still have to give you your birthday present.”

 

“But you already gave me-”

 

Amy raises her eyebrows and covers his hand where it rests on her leg. “Your _other_ present, Jake.”

 

His eyes flash with understanding and he abruptly yanks the keys out of the ignition and reaches to undo his seatbelt. “Yep, totally, definitely staying the night, cool cool cool…”

 

An hour later, she whispers “happy birthday, babe,” before tucking her head into his chest and falling asleep. Jake thinks it might have been his best one yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am BACK from the dead (aka a long ass hiatus bc of lack of inspo and a v hectic lifestyle) xoxo hope u enjoy!


	3. the sweetest devotion i've known

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 36\. "i really need a hug"

For as long as she can remember, Amy’s had the same ritual when she’s stressed. Even in her darkest hours of failed exams or imprisoned boyfriends, she simply thinks of three things that she loves to calm herself down, and it usually helps quell her anxiety to the point of being manageable.

 

She’s already gone through half her mental list of favourite things tonight, with a particularly difficult homicide forcing her to work into ungodly hours of the night and none of the details coming together. She also hasn’t taken a break in three hours, going back to back with a number of different residents of the building she’s investigating, all of whom giving her nothing of substance.

 

“I’m sorry, I really couldn’t hear anything,” says witness number four, an elderly woman with a thick Italian accent. “My husband keeps the TV so loud these days I can barely hear myself think, let alone something going on upstairs.”

 

Amy takes a deep breath and wills herself to just think for a moment - _organized bookshelves, ironing her uniform, her mom’s black bean soup._

 

“Thank you, ma’am, you’re free to go.”

 

As the small woman scurries out of the room, effectively squashing any hope of getting anything from a witness, Amy lets her head drop to the interrogation room table and sighs heavily. She’s made almost no progress over the past three hours, but she can’t bring herself to leave it for morning when she _knows_ there’s a killer out there and suspects that she can find them if she just connects the dots somehow. The dots, unfortunately, seem to be getting further and further apart and she really misses her bed…

 

_Breaking arrest records. The quiet floor of the library. Weekly meeting with Holt._

 

After another deep breath before heading back to the drawing board, Amy’s phone buzzes in her pocket and she conjures the willpower to lift her head from the cool surface. Her heart jumps when she sees that it’s a text from her husband (just as it did when he texted her after she first gave him her number for work-related reasons and this morning and every time in between).

 

**About to head home for the night, want me to grab you food or anythIng before I go?**

 

She reflexively starts typing that she’s fine and he should head home and get some sleep - this marks the end of his third double shift this week and he’s got to be as exhausted or more so than she is - but she suddenly feels an overwhelming desire to be close to him, one that can’t wait until she finally solves this godforsaken case.

 

**I really need a hug. Come to 3rd floor interrogation room? xo**

 

He’s there so quickly that she suspects he may have already been on his way to kiss her goodnight. His worried eyes look her over as she stands and walks towards him, her arms already outstretched to wrap around his waist.

 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Jake’s arms engulf her as he speaks, pulling her flush against him.

 

“This case,” she sighs, tightening her fists around the fabric of his hoodie. “I don’t have any leads and it feels like I’m missing something but I have no idea what it is or why I can’t figure it out and I just feel so dumb-”

 

“Easy, babe.”

 

Jake’s started stroking her hair in a soothing, repetitive motion. For every method she’s developed of calming herself down in times of distress, Jake’s got a trick of his own that he’s picked up over the years. Playing with her hair, murmuring soothing nothings in her ear and holding her close like this - pretty much foolproof.

 

“You’re gonna figure this out, I promise,” he says, “you’re the best sergeant in the NYPD, probably the world.”

 

She nuzzles her face in the crook of his neck and sighs quietly. “You have to say that, you’re my husband.”

 

“ _No_ , I have to say it because it’s true and you know it, even if you forget sometimes.” He kisses the top of her head. “Tell you what, I’m gonna go grab us coffee - good coffee, not break room coffee - and then we’re gonna work this case together until it’s done, okay?”

 

Amy pushes away from him immediately, shaking her head.

 

“Jake, no, you just worked a double, you need to rest.”

 

He runs his hands up and down her arms quickly to calm her down. “I have tomorrow off, we can spend the whole day sleeping and catching up on This Is Us.”

 

“Even though it always makes you cry and then you get all embarrassed and claim you inherited my overactive tear ducts through marriage even though that’s not how inheritance works-”

 

“Ooo-kay, we get it, Ames,” he cuts her off. “And yes, you know I need to find out what’s going on with Randall and Beth. It literally kept me up last night.”

 

She laughs, taking a second to admire her husband, bright and effervescent even after being awake for nearly twenty-four hours and having just agreed to stay up for god knows how many more. Her adoration for this man is one of the only things that gets her through days like today. She always, always has Jake to come home to, to make her feel better, to love her unconditionally. To be her best friend.

 

“Sounds good, babe,” she murmurs with a softer, dreamy cadence, raising herself onto her tiptoes to peck his lips. “Oh, and while you’re there can you grab-”

 

“A banana oatmeal muffin?” Jake finishes, raising an eyebrow. “Do you think I just met you or something?”

 

Amy grins, now completely unable to resist kissing him one more time before he leaves for the cafe.

 

When she goes upstairs to the briefing room to get to work and she begins to feel the stress of the case settle in, her mind conjures the next three items on the list of things she loves with ease: _banana oatmeal muffins, coffee, Jake Peralta._


	4. a million dreams for the world we’re gonna make

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> post-jimmy jabs ii ❤️

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is kind of just a mess of domestic fluff but enjoy!! title from a million dreams from the greatest showman for my man charles

Under normal circumstances, Jake going to great lengths to win a bet in order to spend more time with their future child and saving their brand new car in the process would mean he gets rewarded with lots of baby-making (and a few added bonuses) as soon as they got home.

 

But by the time they get home and they’ve ensured that the epi-pen won’t have any lasting negative effects on his health as he doesn’t have any preexisting heart condition (they don’t go to the hospital, but they text Rosa and they figure that’s good enough), the adrenaline from the epi-pen has also worn off and Jake once again feels like he’s been run over by a semi. 

 

Instead of their regular nightly (at least when Amy’s ovulating) sexy times, Amy shows her great love and appreciation for her husband (and maybe a  _ slight _ amount of guilt that she injected him with drugs) by getting him comfy in their bed with half a dozen pillows and a couple of ice packs for his various injuries. She also put on  _ Die Hard 2 _ even though it’s her night to pick and they’re halfway through a  _ killer _ docuseries about home organization that Jake found for her on Amazon after she burned through all the Netflix ones.

 

“Feeling any better, champ?” Amy asks softly as she curls up next to him with the raspberry fertility tea Charles brought over the day Pimento spilled the beans.

 

Jake smiles softly and turns his head to face her, only slightly wincing as he leans in. She’s definitely making him see a doctor tomorrow, but she checked him over a few times and she’s pretty sure nothing’s broken, so she gave into his pleas to simply go home go to bed. She meets him halfway and gently cups his cheek while he kisses her.

 

“Am now.”

 

She can probably chalk his cheesiness up to the fading adrenaline, exhaustion, and the Extra-Strength Tylenol he took a few minutes ago, but either way she welcomes it and leans in for another quick peck, letting her fingers slide into his curls and gently stroke his scalp.

 

When he pulls away she lowers her hand from his face to his forearm, letting her fingers rest on his wrist for a few moments.

 

As soon as Jake snaps out of the daze of the kiss, he raises an eyebrow. “Babe, are you checking my pulse?”

 

“Rosa said to make sure your heart rate is normal.” She grabs his hand with her free one to keep him still. “Hold on - nineteen beats per fifteen seconds-“

 

“We checked back at the precinct and it was fine then, I’m sure it’s fine now.”

 

“Seventy-six beats per minute,” she finishes. “That’s still a few above your average - which is actually not bad all things considered - but it’s lower than it was earlier, so that’s good.”

 

He smiles for a moment, as if he’s smug with himself for being a relatively healthy person despite rarely going to the gym, but the look quickly fades. “Wait, do you measure my heart rate?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“ _ When _ ?”

 

“When you’re sleeping, when we’re watching TV, whenever.” She shrugs, slightly confused by his tone of surprise. “I’m surprised you never noticed.”

 

“That you’re _collecting data_ on me?”

 

She rolls her eyes at his incredulous tone. “Jake, you’re in your late thirties, you don’t get enough exercise, and your maternal grandfather had two heart attacks before he was sixty.”

 

He furrows his brow again, but she cuts him off as soon as he opens his mouth to question her. 

 

“Your mom told me,” she explains. “Look, it’s no big deal, I’m just making sure everything’s okay in there because I need you to stick around for a really long time, okay?”

 

Jake’s face instantly melts, and he reaches to squeeze her hand. “Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere. I had a kale smoothie with my bagel this morning, so I’ll probably live to be like a hundred and twenty now.”

 

She can’t help but feel warmth bubble in her chest that the only thing that’s successfully made him change his diet is the list of foods that boost sperm count, which she emailed him a few weeks ago. 

 

“Good,” she grins. “‘Cause it’s not just gonna be you and me anymore. Everything could totally change at any time now.”

 

“I know,” he brings her hand to his lips and lays a soft kiss to her knuckles. “I can’t wait.”

 

“Me neither.” 

 

She interlocks their fingers and leans into his side a little bit, wanting to hold him closer but also to avoid aggravating his many bumps and bruises, and uses her other hand to idly stroke his arm. 

 

“So,” Jake murmurs sometime later, right when she’s starting to suspect he’s falling asleep due to the lack of film commentary he’s made in the last ten minutes and his new position with his head on her shoulder. “How does it feel to no longer be the reigning Jimmy Jabs champion of our household?”

 

“Only because I let you win,” Amy points out. “I would’ve won if I didn’t value our car more than the bragging rights.”

 

“Well, technically you only won last time because I let you, so we’re even.”

 

Jake told her the truth about him letting her win when they were finalists, during the first Jimmy Jabs of their relationship. Apparently, to quote him exactly,  _ “the satisfaction of you knowing that I actually should have won is worth the embarrassment of me pining for you for a year while you had a boyfriend.” _

 

“We should have a rematch,” she suggests as the end credits begin to roll and she shuts off the TV. “Next time we have the Games,  no outside bets. I know I can beat you fair and square.”

 

“Oh, as soon as I can move without feeling like my muscles are on fire you are  _ on _ , Santiago.”

 

They climb under the covers and Amy nuzzles her face into his shoulder, dropping a soft kiss to his collarbone and a few more to his neck.

 

“What do you think, winner gets to pick the baby’s name?” Jake proposes, closing his eyes as the acetaminophen begins to make him incredibly drowsy. 

 

“Hmm, I think that should be a joint decision,” says the rational part of Amy that is fairly confident in her ability to win the Jimmy Jabs again but also really doesn’t want her baby named after Bruce Willis. After a moment, though, her competitive side can’t resist making things a little interesting. “Maybe the middle name.” 

 

Jake reaches for her face in the dark to pull her in for a quick goodnight kiss. 

 

“Deal.”


	5. look into your eyes and the sky's the limit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "life is unpredictable. not everything's in our control. but as long as you're with the right people, you can handle anything. and you, jake peralta, are the right person for me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is basically just an ode to how much amy loves jake and her realization that he's her person!! it's also trying-related at the end because i cannot stop thinking about this damn ep!!
> 
> title from helpless from hamilton

Amy’s not exactly sure when she realized Jake Peralta has a more calming effect on her than all the breathing exercises and anxiety medications and herbal teas in the world. When she realized that he’s the right person, the only person for her.

Subconsciously, it’s probably in her second or third year at the Nine-Nine. She can’t even begin to comprehend it at the time, but working intense and sometimes deeply stressful and emotional cases is always a little bit easier with him than anyone else. He’ll give her a reassuring look before they enter a gruesome crime scene or ask if she wants some coffee after she’s done interviewing the family of a homicide victim, and her brain is suddenly flooded with a wave of calm. 

(She asks him “what’s this for?” the first time he brings her a coffee - just the way she likes it, with a splash of milk - and he says “we’re partners, it’s my job.” She never questions it again.)

When they start dating, part of her thinks it’s crazy that they’re together but another part knows that it makes so much sense. They’re so different, but that balance is what makes them work - her frantic energy and his laidback nature bring them to a perfect equilibrium. 

He already knows her so well that she doesn’t have to try to hide the more extreme aspects of her personality. Jake makes it abundantly clear that he loves her for all she is, and he doesn’t try to change her. He simply brings out the best in her and helps her cope with the parts of herself she doesn’t always like as much. 

When she can’t solve a case and starts aggressively braiding her hair at her desk, he silently comes over and places his hand on her arm and talks her through it.

When she’s studying for her sergeant’s exam he stays up until three in the morning to quiz her and give her shoulder rubs and bring her snacks.

When she wakes up from a nightmare about Hawkins after he gets back from prison, he holds her and strokes her hair and promises they’ll never be separated like that again.

When everything goes wrong on their wedding day, she doesn’t go into full panic mode even once because no matter what happens he’s there and she gets to marry him and that’s all that will ever matter to her. 

(She tells him so under the twinkling lights and his soft smile nearly brings her to tears.)

When they’re working an impossible sexual assault case and she feels like she’s going to explode, he holds her hand and listens and her faith in the world is restored for a moment. 

And when they try for six months to have a baby with no success, things get hard. Really hard. 

She’s tired all the time, but she can’t drink coffee. She feels like she misses Jake even when she’s having sex with him nearly every day - she misses the romance and the fun (and god, she misses him going down on her). Every month she gets her period feels like another personal failure.

Still, she has her incredible, supportive, perfect husband who eats more vegetables than she knew he was capable of and takes fifteen vitamins every morning with her and follows a schedule for the first time in his life.

She eventually throws in the towel and decides to take a break for at least a little while. It kills her to think that she might never get the perfect family that she always dreamt of, even if she has the perfect job and perfect husband and an otherwise pretty perfect life. She’s always wanted to be a mom, and that’s not something she can shake no matter how much the universe is telling her to.

But Jake swoops in as always with his loving gaze and heartfelt speech and kisses that make her feel like she’s floating. He tells her that we don’t have to have a plan and we make the rules and a weight is lifted off her shoulders knowing that they’ll figure it out as long as they’re together. 

Later that night, she’s curled into his bare chest in their warm bed as his hand traces patterns on her lower back. 

“Thank you,” she whispers so softly that she wonders if he heard it.

“For what, babe?”

There’s so much she could say, an infinite catalogue of moments that have proven he’s her soulmate and her best friend and the best thing that’s ever happened to her. She knows that he knows all that, though, because he knows her better than anyone, so she keeps it simple.

“For making everything easier,” she answers, kissing his jaw and burying her face in his neck.

He pulls the comforter from their waists to just above their shoulders and wraps her up in a hug. 

“We’re partners, it’s my job,” he says with a smile that she can feel against her forehead, and she’s briefly reminded of a time when she was falling slowly in love with him. “Best job in the world, for the record.”

She falls asleep in the arms of the man who is unquestionably and undeniably the right person for her, her heart overflowing with love and gratitude.


	6. suddenly i'm holding the world in my arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *spoilies* post-7x07 fluff piece bc jake and amy are having a baby y'all!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from all i've ever known from hadestown 💛

Amy loses all concept of time from the moment Jake scoops her up off the ground and walks her over to the bed to kiss every inch of her body and whisper “I love you”s until the words ring in her brain on a continuous loop.

 

He makes love to her slowly, and Amy never has to wonder if this will be _the one_ or if they’ll face more disappointment because they _did it._ They’re having a baby - she is going to get to raise a child with the person she loves more than anything in the universe, a child conceived in love and joy and hope.

 

She has no idea how late it is by the time she’s laying peacefully in Jake’s embrace, looking out the window at the city lights and wishing to freeze this moment in her mind forever. She knows eventually they will have to get up to eat something and shower and set their alarms for tomorrow and resume normal life, but their lives are so far from normal right now. She needs to revel in their little miracle for a while longer.

 

“I can’t believe we’re gonna be parents,” Jake whispers into her hair, his nose brushing against her neck.

 

Amy feels tears begin to well in her eyes for neither the first nor probably the last time this evening. She shifts back so her back is flush against his chest and she can steal some more of his warmth.

 

“It still feels so surreal after wanting this for long,” she admits. “I can’t believe I’m growing a real human being inside me right now.”

 

Jake’s hand moves under the sheets and rests on her stomach, only a few months away from starting to grow to make room for their baby. She slides her fingers into the spaces between his and squeezes lightly.

 

“It’s crazy,” he says softly, “I haven’t even met this kid yet but I know for a fact that I’m gonna love them more than anything in the world, even if they’re lame and like books more than Die Hard.”

 

Amy laughs and gently elbows him in the stomach. “Hey, books are not lame. Our kid’s gonna win a Nobel prize.”

 

“Okay, but even if they inherit your crazy-smart-perfect-genius genes they’ve gotta get _some_ of my coolness, therefore they have to like Die Hard at least a little bit.”

 

“I don’t see how any child of yours could not,” Amy concedes, patting his hand. “And by the way, they’re gonna be super smart no matter what because their _dad_ is the best detective in the NYPD.”

 

“ _Awww_ , babe.”

 

She turns in his arms and smiles brightly at him, leaning in to press their foreheads together.

 

“You’re gonna be the best dad ever.”

 

She watches his eyes fill with tears and feels his thumb gently rubbing circles on her stomach while his other arm wraps around her back, holding both her and the child inside her with so much care that she knows he would do anything in the world to keep them safe.

 

“Thank you so much, Ames.” He kisses her forehead. “I used to think I would never get the chance to have a perfect family, but-“ His voice gets clogged with emotion and he lets out a breathy laugh. “I’ve never been this happy before.”

 

She cups his face and leans in to softly kiss him, her lips barely brushing over his. There’s something so simple and beautiful about this moment, the start of a new chapter of their lives that she knows will be their best one yet.

 

“I love you so much,” she whispers after pulling away, her eyes still closed and her face only an inch from his. “And you don’t have to thank me, I’m pretty sure this was at least fifty percent your doing.”

 

Jake laughs and leans in to peck her lips again. “I love you so much too, and you know what I mean.”

 

She does - she knows that he had to work through his childhood trauma and fears of being a father to make the decision to start a family with her. She knows that he’s been the most incredible, supportive husband throughout all of this, and she can’t imagine having married anyone but her best friend. She knows that he wanted this as badly as she did and that he’s gonna be an infinitely better father than his own ever was.

 

“I do know,” she says with a knowing smile that conveys more than words can.

 

His hand sweeps over her back and pulls her in to rest her head on his chest, the glow of the streetlights illuminating his face as she looks up at him and fondly runs her hand through his hair.

 

“Just think,” she murmurs, “in nine months we could be laying right here holding our baby.”

 

Jake smiles, resting his cheek against her head, and she can tell they’re both imagining a little boy or girl curled up in her arms, sleeping soundly.

 

“I can’t wait.”


	7. in all your gorgeous colours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> amy's in the hospital after minor surgery and goes through a wide spectrum of emotions while under the influence of pain meds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 49\. “Stop being so attractive!”  
> 76\. "I want to go home."
> 
> title from black and white by niall horan!

Jake’s been pacing the waiting room of Brooklyn Methodist, no doubt disrupting the dozens of people silently sitting with his nervous energy, for about three hours straight when the doctor finally comes out.

 

She says a bunch of things about the surgery that Jake doesn’t understand but Holt is nodding attentively to right beside him, and finally _finally_ gets to the “ _she’s okay, I expect her to make a full recovery_ ” part of it. Jake is so relieved he nearly collapses, and Holt’s hand on his shoulder is the only thing keeping him upright.

 

“Mr. Peralta.” The doctor checks the clipboard as if to double-check that he’s really listed as her immediate family, to make sure that the man who had been holding her hand and harassing that very surgeon with questions and concerns as they wheeled Amy into the operating room is _really_ her lawfully-wedded husband. “You can see her now, if you’d like. Visiting hours for non-family start at eight tomorrow.”

 

Jake turns to face Holt - and Rosa, who’s a few steps behind them. The rest of the squad had stayed behind at the precinct to await further information after Jake reported that it was just diverticulitis and she would be okay after routine surgery. Of course, they all knew that he would still be a mess - he’s sure his face when he left with her in the ambulance gave that away - so Holt and Rosa came shortly after, Holt providing logical and somewhat emotional reassurance and Rosa bringing him an NYPD hoodie from his locker to change into because he looked, to quote her exactly, “all sweaty and gross.”

 

“We’ll see you tomorrow,” Rosa says with a rare, brief smile. “Let us know how she’s doing.”

 

“Yes, Peralta, please call if you need anything,” Holt adds.

 

“Thanks, guys,” Jake says, unable to smile in return until he sees his wife’s face again, but still mustering a small nod of appreciation. “I will.”

 

He follows the doctor to the elevator and through a winding hallway. He can’t help but replay the day’s events in his mind as he makes his way to her. He won’t soon forget the feeling of pure terror in his chest when he saw Amy collapse in front of everyone in the briefing room, nor the look of pain on her face as he raced to her and gently pulled her head into his lap while Terry called for an ambulance.

 

“You can go on in, she should still be awake but might be a bit out of it from the anesthesia.”

 

He’s so disoriented that he doesn’t realize they’ve arrived until the doctor speaks to him directly and he stops in his tracks and turns to face the door. She lets him in and then continues down the hallway, allowing him to finally be alone with his wife.

 

Amy’s a little pale and her hair’s a little messed up when he sees her lying awake in her bed, but she no longer seems to be in pain and that thought alone floods his system with relief. A glowing smile spreads across her face as soon as she spots him.

 

“Hi, babe,” Jake says tenderly, racing over to her bedside and gently cupping her cheek. “How are you doing?”

 

“I’m great,” she grins, leaning into his touch. “The doctors said I had diver - diverticlio-“

 

“Diverticulitis, babe.” He chuckles at her adorably puzzled expression. “Infection in your digestive tract. That’s what made your stomach hurt so bad.”

 

She grimaces in memory of the pain from earlier that day. She had a stomach ache since she woke up but had chalked it up to early period cramps or stress and denied his many pleas for her to go home early or let him take her to the hospital. It wasn’t until she was giving the afternoon briefing that the pain overcame her and she fainted in front of half the precinct.

 

“Doesn’t hurt anymore, though,” she says contently.

 

“Mhm, the nice doctors fixed you up and gave you lots of fun drugs.”

 

“Drugs are fun. I don’t know why we don’t just let people do them all the time,” she laments, and Jake can’t help but laugh.

 

“Ah, spoken like a true NYPD sergeant.”

 

Amy shifts a little bit and beckons him closer with her finger, her expression suddenly very serious.

 

“Are you okay?” he asks quickly, his brow furrowed. “Can I get you anything?”

 

She shakes her head, a smug grin spreading across her face.

  
“Nuh-uh. I want _you_ , Peralta.”

 

Amy leans back against the pillows and does her best attempt at a sexy pose, and Jake has to bite his lip to keep from laughing. Oh, he can’t _wait_ to tell her about this tomorrow.

 

“I don’t know, babe, I think we might need to take a break from sexy times while you get better,” Jake says, making her frown in response. “We’re also in a very public place right now.”

 

Amy pouts and crosses her arms. Apparently Amy on morphine is mysteriously similar to four-drink Amy, and though he hopes he never has to see her in a situation like this again, he is definitely entertained.

 

Jake sits down next to her on the bed and gently brushes the hair away from her face, attempting to match her level of sincerity despite the strong urge to laugh at his loopy wife.

 

“Tell you what, as soon as you’re better we can have a whole day of sexy times. And we’ll do whatever you want. Sound good?”

 

She examines his face closely, her eyes narrowing, then lets out another huff and leans back into the bed again.

 

“What’s wrong, babe?”

 

“Stop being so _attractive_!” she sighs dramatically. “It’s not fair.”

 

“Oh, honey,” Jake chuckles, a slight blush creeping on his cheeks. “You know I can’t help that.”

 

Amy nods like he’s just made a very compelling point, sighing again. “Yeah, I know.”

 

His heart swells as she grabs his hand hovering over her hair and presses it against her cheek, laying back and nuzzling into his palm. She lets out a small sigh of contentment, her momentary lust for him fading as the drugs begin to wear her down.

 

“You scared me today, Ames,” he admits when he’s not sure if she’s still awake. He knows these feelings can and probably should wait until she’s more lucid, but the immense relief of seeing her safe and comfortable is overwhelming.

 

She opens one eye and furrows her eyebrows. “How come?”

 

“Cause you fainted in the briefing room and we had to call an ambulance and I didn’t know how serious it was,” he rambles. “And I knew I should’ve forced you to see a doctor earlier-”

 

“Not your fault, babe.”

 

Jake sighs. “I know, it just sucked seeing you in pain. A lot.”

 

She slides her hand up to his forearm and squeezes, and her grip is weak but comforting nonetheless. She smiles at him softly, and it says more than she’s capable of articulating right now.

 

“I’m okay,” she assures him, adjusting her position slightly in an effort to get comfortable. “I want to go home. I miss my bed.”

 

“You’ve gotta stay here overnight so the doctors can keep an eye on you.”

 

“But I’ve gotta go home so I can get ready for work tomorrow-”

 

She’s cut off by a yawn, and Jake stands to pull the covers from her waist up to her shoulders to ensure she’s warm enough.

 

“You’re definitely not going to work for at least a few days,” he says, immediately met with another frown. Of course, Amy’s FOMOW persists even as she lays in a hospital bed. “Don’t worry, you’ll be nice and comfy here, and hopefully we can go home sometime tomorrow.”

 

She lets her eyes close again as she’s enveloped by the warmth of the hospital blankets and the reassurance of his words.

 

“You’ll stay with me?”

 

“Yeah, babe, of course.”

 

“Okay. Thanks.”

 

“You don’t have to thank me, Ames,” Jake murmurs, bending down to kiss her forehead. “You’re my wife.”

 

She smiles again as he kisses her and nods in agreement. “I like being your wife.”

 

“I like it too.”

 

He pecks her lips quickly, unable to resist her adorableness right now, and then pulls away to sit back down in the plastic chair at her bedside. He drags the chair as close to her bed as possible.

 

“You should sleep now, honey, I’ll try to save you some jello when the nurse comes around.”

 

“You should sleep too,” she mumbles, voice already getting heavier. “It’s nighttime.”

 

“I will, I just wanna watch you for a little longer.”

 

Amy’s asleep before she can reply, but she drifts off with a loving grin still lingering on her face and her head turned towards him.

 

He does take a few more minutes to admire every detail of her face before he finally gives in to the lure of sleep, knowing that she will be here when he wakes up and that she’s safe and comfortable and _alive_.

 

Jake grabs the extra blanket the nurse brought for him from the back of his chair and carefully drapes it over Amy to make sure she doesn’t catch a chill during the night.

 

Once he’s sure she’s properly tucked in, he lays his head down next to her on the mattress, takes her hand loosely in his and lets his eyes fall shut.


	8. everything is easier when you're home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 70\. "I missed you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the fics start coming and they don't stop coming (because i am in quarantine) (stay in your homes and wash your hands people)
> 
> title from when you're home from in the heights!

It’s nearly midnight by the time Amy hauls her bags up to their second-floor apartment and carefully turns her key in the lock, creeping into their apartment at a snail-like pace to avoid making too much noise.

 

Their eight-month old daughter should - hopefully - be sleeping soundly in her crib by now, and Amy wouldn’t be surprised if Jake passed out immediately after her. Single-parenting is no easy feat, even if only for three days.

 

Surprisingly, she can hear the faint sound of House Hunters coming from the living area, and she’s just able to make out the sleeping form of her husband sprawled out on the couch in the warm glow of the TV. Jake’s out like a light, wearing the same sweatpants and hoodie he had on when he FaceTimed her yesterday, and she couldn’t be more enamoured with him.

 

She carelessly drops her purse and coat on the armchair and hovers over him, running her fingers through his tousled hair in an attempt to wake him slowly.

 

“Jake, babe.”

 

“Hmm...wha’ time is it?” he murmurs, his eyes still closed and his voice still heavy with sleep.

 

“Babe, wake up.”

 

His eyes fly open when she raises her voice slightly, and as he takes in his surroundings he focuses in on her face, his disoriented gaze quickly transforming into a wide-eyed grin.

 

“Ames!”

 

He reaches out to wrap his arms around her and pull her into his lap, eliciting a surprised laugh from her lips that’s interrupted by his own lips crashing into hers. She kisses him back fervently, her hand resting against his cheek. She takes her time, savouring the feeling of Jake’s kiss after too many nights with nothing but some emojis or an air kiss over a video call to tide her over at bedtime.

 

When she pulls away, he’s absolutely beaming at her, and she can’t resist kissing him again. It’s been so long since they’ve been separated - even for a few days - and _maybe_ she missed him more than she cares to admit. _Maybe_ she insisted on FaceTiming him and Zoey for an hour every night (and nearly booked a flight home on the spot when Zoey tried to reach for her through the screen) and packed one of his t-shirts to sleep in at the hotel.

 

“Well, hello to you too,” she murmurs against his lips when she finally breaks the kiss for a moment, pulling away a bit to rest her forehead against his.

 

“How was the conference?” he asks, his hand broadly sweeping up and down her back. “Did you blow them away with your mad sergeant skills?”

 

“Some of the most decorated and well-respected people in law enforcement from across the country were there, Jake.”

 

He rolls his eyes. “Yeah, but did they come prepared with a twenty-eight step PowerPoint presentation on the importance of the proper use of surveillance on the job?”

 

It was a presentation she had given him many times in the weeks leading up to the conference, sometimes while she was cooking dinner and Jake was feeding Zoey and sometimes while she was doing her nightly skincare routine and he was in the shower and sometimes while they were both half-asleep on the drive to work after dropping Zoey off at Karen’s.

 

“No, they did not,” she concedes, kicking her feet up on the couch and snuggling further into him, her face buried in his neck.

 

She wraps her arm around his stomach while his lips graze against her hairline, and it’s by far the most at ease she’s felt since she kissed him and Zoey goodbye at the airport days ago. Even after all these years and some painfully long separations that still give them both the occasional nightmare, it never gets easier to fall asleep without him by her side.

 

“I missed you,” she mumbles into his shoulder.

 

“I missed you too, and I’m not just saying that because single parenting is a lot and I haven’t slept in three days.”

 

Amy laughs, squeezing his hand in appreciation. She had her reservations and concerns about being away from their daughter for the first time, but Jake quickly put her fears to rest, insisting that she go to the conference and that everything would be fine at home. Luckily, she didn’t really have to worry - Jake is a super-dad and she’s never doubted his parenting abilities for a second.

 

“Did she sleep through last night by any chance?”

 

“Nope,” he sighs into her hair. “But she did say ‘dada’ again while I was putting her to bed, so that makes up for the eight total hours of sleep I’ve had since you left.”

 

She smiles, her heart suddenly aching to hold their little girl but knowing it’s against her better judgement to go in the nursery and wake her up right now.

 

“We should go to bed,” she yawns, still making no real attempt to move from her supremely comfortable spot on her husband’s lap. “You’re off tomorrow too, right?”

 

He hums in agreement, his eyes half-shut.

 

“We should definitely have a family movie day,” she suggests. “We can just order pizza, watch Moana for the hundredth time, snuggle on the couch and hope Zoey actually naps for a bit.”

 

“Mm, sounds perfect, babe.”

 

“ _And_ I was thinking we could take David up on his offer to babysit next weekend so we can finally have some real alone time.” She squeezes his thigh, lowering her voice. “Maybe go check out that fancy French restaurant in the Village that Charles keeps talking about, get a hotel room in the city.”

 

Jake smiles at her softly with the familiar glint in his eye that she knows to mean _I love you so much_ and leans in to peck her lips once more.

 

“Ames, I would love that.”

 

“Okay, it’s a date.”

 

She relishes the feeling of his arms tightening around her, her bones feeling heavier by the moment, and the urge to fall asleep right here in Jake’s embrace is so overpowering she almost gives into it. She is aware, however, that they’re too old to sleep upright on the couch and not be sore when they wake up - which will probably be in a few short hours when Zoey inevitably starts crying - so she gears herself up to make the grueling journey to their bed.

 

Finally, with a great deal of effort and willpower, Amy manages to thrust herself upward off the couch and extends a hand to Jake. “C’mon, babe, time for bed.”

 

“Too comfy.”

 

“You’ll be sore if you sleep here, and if you come to bed I’ll let you be the little spoon,” she entices him, knowing by the way his eyes pop open that she’s won this one.

 

“Okay, fine.”

 

They shuffle off to their bedroom and Amy strips off her plane clothes, way too exhausted to throw anything on but the big hoodie at the top of Jake’s “laundry pile”. She has no idea where their hamper went or what other chaos must have occurred here over the past three days, but he can fill her in in the morning after they’ve had a few hours of sleep and several cups of coffee.

 

He’s already moments away from sleep by the time she brushes her teeth and climbs in next to him, but he shuffles closer so she can follow through on her promise and wrap her arms around him from behind.

 

“Night, babe,” he hums, his hand covering hers. “Love you. Glad you’re home.”

 

“So am I,” she whispers into his shoulder. “And I love you too.”

 

She gets up with Zoey a few hours later, eager to see her baby and give Jake some well-deserved rest, and the image of a sleepy, scruffy Jake walking into the kitchen shortly after nine, looping his arms around her waist and pressing lazy kisses to her shoulder while she feeds Zoey in her high chair, is so perfect she thinks she might never leave their apartment again.


End file.
